Friday, April 21, 2017

Much of a Thought

Some of us may say, 
that whenever we feel like being taken for granted is a way for ourselves not to feel. 
Some times, what we feel is just what our mind make up to say so. 
It's artificial.

Too many question tidily queuing up inside my head, some of them I bear just enough, but some of them not. But then I think, why should we think and wonder about it anyway at the first place. Why do we even wonder.
It's just some times these thoughts haunt me, it's not like I'm hearing some voices inside my head. I am not. It's just as always, I just got so many how and why inside this skull echoing.

It's just, do you ever feel lonely even when you're with people? I know it's a basic question, but do you? Some times it tears me apart, how I felt like I always feel so lonely in wherever and with whoever I am with. And as skeptical it'd sound - that nobody ever understands me.

The feeling of being misunderstood, taken for granted or even not wanted always have this kind of strong dark desire to be felt, to haunt ones mind. As skeptical as its sound, but one can hardly suffer from it. Some say, just don't think about it. Don't ever over think about it. It's always easier to say. But not to feel is a whole kind of a different story.

The feeling of being unwanted; by a man, parents, friends - does it even a big deal? You may ask. But sometimes you miss them, even the one who hurts you the most, you know they loved you once in a long time ago. You don't miss them much as by seeing their faces or their presence. You miss what you once had with them - the time you spent, the loves, the laughter, all the good imprints - once that left behind.

This dark lust, not so often come into the surface. But when it does, it never fails make you wonder and again feeling small and unwanted. However, it's easy when you don't take it seriously, it's easy when you had somebody to make you feel the opposite way - it's indeed easy. But how somehow, we don't always come up to a smooth surface.

There are times when we have to be alone - when we have to be left alone. It's okay, I am okay.  
We all suffer from our own loneliness. It's just the feeling or the thought of us that sometimes burden us.

I'm just kind of, miss having the right company to whom I can tell whatever crosses my mind - only to listen and understand. To reply to what I was saying and be as excited - or maybe I'm just missing having a real conversation in life. The one which makes you feel and alive. And to that to feel wanted, even as the simplest to be the wanted to talk to. Some times, it doesn't make any sense, but how else we live in this world - the way of it is indeed makes no sense.

Or maybe, from all for what I could say is that - maybe I'm just asking too much out of life. Or I am indeed, all the time?

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