Friday, June 3, 2016

It's Okay, Kay, Kay

Yogurt and Mint gelato for self-healing system.
Well, I think it's okay to be sad sometimes, and get confused by your own mixed feelings and thoughts, sometimes.
But one thing you should always remember is,

"life is not always have to be that hard, so don't be too hard on yourself."



It's okay to have ups and downs in life, it's quite okay, to have mood swings and not being so interested in life or the other similar things at the same time. It's okay not to be okay.

Well, see now that I'm being such on a good mood because today was not that bad at all. I don't know, maybe it's because my PMS is over or else, but I feel so much better now. I'm feeling like, "okay, you already got enough of your  own me time or the introvert side of you has ruled you over this past several weeks already, you need to get back up and need to be back on track, as soon as you feel like to. You need to catch up on life as the consequence of your own clumsiness of being "not-so-into" life. you just need, to keep your shit together right now."

I've been so lost of finding my own hope and interest in life this past several weeks already. It's just sucks to stuck in the same mud of dark depression that leads into uncertainty of what you want to do with your life, especially about the way you feel about things. It just felt so inhumane, that makes you missed out on life. It hurts not to be able to enjoy things.

But now that I found, that it's okay not to be okay, it's okay as long as you feel like being it. But just remember, bad days are gonna be over, somehow, someday. You just at least, need to try to work your ass off again, and see the world, so at least, you would find little things entertaining again. You know, the willingness is always coming out strong. If you really want it, you will get it.

It's like, you know, you're stuck in that moment when you don't find things exciting anymore, and it hurts you not to be able to enjoy things, to be waking up in the morning with no reason and urge to do things you should've been doing, or at least, to have no interest of how days are gonna be spent. It's just sucks, I know. But you know, that one day you're gonna be waking up to feel enough already. 

The first thing I know; that I'm losing my faith and interest in anything, is when someday I woke up with a miserable mind that I didn't want to live that day, just wanted it to pass through already. You know, that moment when you wanted so bad to skip days, hoping it to get better by itself already? I felt it for like days and weeks. 

And you kept going on, waking up every morning hoping days would get better without you having such significant work to help it done. And you're kinda sick of it, because you know, things just don't really work out by themselves. Till that one morning, you just wake up and you realize that "you have to do something at least, already." So I woke up this morning with my own intention that I have to do something at least. Then I had my self working my stuffs, went to campus to submit assignments and then take care of my internship form & process. And, that were all okay, I think.

Didn't really stop there, I had my self attended our event meeting to discuss some of the things we had to. Yeah, I'm kind of being one of the head division of the event, so I have to attend the meeting (or may be it was because I have to "at least" come to the meeting since I have never been really got my self there, lol). Well, even though things just not really went as we imagined it, but it was okay because I wasn't really expecting anything but a "valuable" or at least some good point we could take in from our discussion, lol. no. 

And there we talked about the event itself, and as always, nothing really get into my head since it was not necessarily a good "heavy" talk to me, but I will, appreciate my self for bearing such tension to that, lol. (lol, I'm laughing again, haha)

Then we went grabbing out dinner, and had ourselves back home already. And I'm here, again stuck with my laptop doing things again, but this time feels like a lil bit okay-er, because it was me who wanted to do it, no pressure. (Well, a bit, but it's okay). Had to send some of our mails to the internship's company, and I'm here been trying to fix my CorelDraw because I wanted to convert the documents into pdf, lol. Had a lil struggle (since I'm that granny type of girl who's not really update on such high-tech app, and I'm here trying so hard to fix this broken app, lol)

And I'm here! writing up my thoughts on how today was kind of an okay day after all this time. The thing that literally bright my day (end) was supposedly, because I got to meet people already. Well, some of them were not quite chill enough to hang out with, but here, when I'm in my room, my close friends came to see me and we talked about so much things till the lights went off because it was heavy rain outside lol. And I am extraordinarily glad that they were here when the lightning sounded too harsh and the power went off, because I would scare my self to death if not, lol.. :'')

It's just so relieving to have my self being talkative again, telling so much things I felt and thought to the ones I feel like sharing it with. It's just so reliving to have my mood back, to have that spirit of living again, to have such pleasant people around. I'm feeling like being human again, already (finally!). and I don't even know, how and why now it feels so precious to me.


 Sincerely, Ela.

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