Sunday, November 4, 2012

hello again! II

but after all those silly random thought about life, i was too tired and i fell asleep let them running in my mind all over again until my brain turned down.

i used to feel this way, im getting used to it.
i fell too deep, i turned my self to its lowest level, i crashed too hard, and i found my self in the darkness of life. i was woken up, i realized that being this way isnt what i really want to do. even tho i hate everything, blocking my self from everything was the thing i used to want.

i dont wanna be like this. i want to live.
its funny, i tried to cheer my self by hearing all those motivating songs, like fighter by Christina aguilera, the fighter by gym class heroes and many other. its silly but yet it heals me. time did, and i did.

im ready to be a new me.
i upgraded my self.
the tough me, the happy me.
and fvck for what others may think about me.

i dont care abt your life so why would you care abt mine? dear people who screwed me over. :))
i didn't go to school that time, i took a break at everything just in seconds. but i knew i still got one responsibility that time, i went to school in the afternoon, not for studying, but to fulfill my responsibility as a coordinator. and also i have course on that Friday. i was thinking that i wouldn't come to course, bcs im still in a bad mood but then my friends told me to go and i was like, okay im going... and then course wasn't as bad as i thought before. :)

i went home after all those matters, they really distracted me down, but then i realized. my eyes wide opened, after long time i ignored to open it. i was blind. i used to be grateful so much but then jealousy start to close my eyes from other good things ive owned. i used to see matters from both its good and bad sides, but then i rejected to see the good side of it. i was totally blind. im sorry God for rejecting all of your blessings. im sorry.

thank you for realizing me that life is getting hard and i have to grow up. thank you again for realizing me to be grateful again. thank you again for making my heart tougher and bigger than ever. Thank God. :))

-Ela.

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