Sunday, December 2, 2012

Several Lessons from Those Happen Recently.

im not letting one man ruins my whole world.

well its not the main problem that everybody changes. what matter most is everybody changes into a person they said they will never be. I'm not saying they are hypocrite or anything, i just wanna say, that I miss everyone in their true and own self.

finally i realize that things / people that changed is not just about in my friendship life, it also happen in a place people called home. like... honestly, i considered not to tell this matter that been going on in my family but it really takes a big part and it is the one which matter most to me

how it felt when someone bad took away your mom from you but you just cant deny bcs your mom is not wise enough to choose. like, okay mom its up to you in whom you wanna be with but please dont forget abt your exact responsibility and please be fair.

okay...... i think if i write this more i might tell everything abt this matter and i might cry when i write it bcs this is way too painful for me. but in the other side i wanna let all these shits just go out from my chest so it wont hurt anymore. but maybe i cant tell you a little part of my story.

my chest feels so sore lately, i don't know why. feels like something keep pushing it, and alhamdulillah all those pains have gone away after i told everything to my other close family members, like my aunt, uncle & eyang uti. huhu.

my aunt and eyang keep telling me i should always remember Allah SWT bcs everything happened bcs of Him, we just have to accept the fact whole-heartedly and believe that Allah has a better plans, we will find a way.

and i said to my aunt, one time i felt like i lose my hope, like every time i prayed to God i felt like He didn't listen. like all those matters just not getting better, even more it became worse than ever.

but now I believe.
without my knowing, everyone fights for me and my sisters and it really touches my heart. I've been feeling so alone all this time, feel like I've got no body on my side, its so sad i know, and it was hard.
and suddenly people realize that sth isn't right and then they fight against it.
and now we'll see how it gonna happen.

mom, aku gak pernah benci mama. aku benci sm sosok mama sekarang, sm orang yg udh hasut mama jd kyk gini, sm orang yang hidupnya gak pernah bersyukur atas apa yg dia punya, sm orang yg mau apapun pake cara yg instan. dan buat lo, gue tau kl elo pelaku sebenarnya, yg curi laptop & kamera gue dengan mengkambinghitamkan orglain, jahat lo you took things that you dont deserve AT ALL. wahai calon penghuni abadi neraka. gue tau itu lo. :))

i don't believe any words come out from your mouth any more mom. you're not a liar but all your words is just fake. please stop telling shits bcs i wont be indoctrinated by you any more.
please stop belain orang yang salah. stop hurting us, your children and stop acting like there is nothing so wrong between us. mom,  i hate the person you are now

"jangan pernah jadi jahat, gapapa orang jahatin kita yang asal kita gak jahatin mereka. tapi jangan mau diinjek-injek. bela apa yang harus dibela, suatu saat Allah pasti akan bertindak."

gue bersyukur bgt sm Allah yang masih ngasih gue hati nurani buat gak jahat, ngasih logika yg msh bisa dipake buat berpikr jernih dan mata yang gak buta krn harta ataupun emosi belaka. dan juga telinga yang gak tuli buat mendengar kebenaran.

terima kasih Ya Allah akhirnya ditampakkan bunga dari sekian lamanya masa dormasi yang kelam. terima kasih Ya Allah for the light that comes up after the rain. thank God for the big waves and strom on a large blue ocean.

thank God for always being there.

*i know some of you might find this so disturbing and annoying, to read such sarcastic and full of negativity kind of post, but I know God might do a miracle for us. I Do Believe. :)

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